money for nothing

no great shock that the majority of the weekend's dates failed to pan out. lately, the shocker is actually meeting the john. last night was an exception.

met a new john who responded to the fundraising for the alternawhore collective post. he came down with a cold on friday and had to cancel our original saturday date. wasn't expecting to hear from him again. surprise, surprise, he called on sunday and invited me out to dinner. said he would not be able to play as he was still a little sniffly, but would gladly pay for my time.

so we met up outside his apartment and walked to a nearby "diner" (you can't really call it a diner if it has tablecloths and real napkins). we were the only two in the restaurant aside from the staff, whom we proceeded to scandalize.

he was a classic talker, looking for permission and validation. i think he also wanted to "teach" me, but i cut that one short real fast. "so, what sort of experience do you have in this field, if any?" oh, i have experience. don't worry about me. "i mean, do you have friends who do this sort of thing? cause i have had a couple of friends, and i'm sure i could help you out..." yes, yes i have friends. "oh."

but aside from that first bit, things went fine. we discussed the conflicts between his feminist beliefs and his no-so-pc turn-ons, talked about the line between fantasy & desire and reality & action. discussed the exceptions people can and can not make to their moral codes. and we talked about porn stars, and living in the city.

he really likes the idea of the collective and views it's potential existence as proof not only of other alterna-whores, but also of other "alterna-johns" (his phrasing, not mine, i don't think i like it as much).

so we hung out for about an hour and a half. and he slipped me $200 plus a $20 tip. delightful. the donation goes straight to the collective, but the $20 is all mine, baby. (oh, yeah. i'm taking a cab to the airport in the morning).

hot referral

check out my good friend and fellow whore's recent posting about her strap-on date yesterday. too much fun! www.wakingvixen.blogspot.com

it brightened my mood.

terrible horrible no good very bad day

today sucks.

first off, $600 has disappeared from my bedroom. it was in a coffee cup on my dresser. i accidentally left my bedroom door unlocked tuesday night. now the cash is no longer to be found. tore apart the house (technically, apartment, but it's home, you know?) at 3am with roommate (she doesn't know about the whoring, so i told her i had lent a friend some cash, which i often do, and had just got it back in bulk). there are three possible options:
1) i'm an idiot and it's somewhere in my room
2) drug-addicted domestically-violent dealer boy downstairs that is evicted and must be out by the 30th (knock on wood) raided my room
3) neighbor's live-in boyfriend that we helped kick out last week and has since moved back in was pissed at me and knew i probably had some cash, which he needs desperately as he hasn't held down a job in the two years he's been sponging off neighbor girl
all three suck.

consequently, i had horrible dreams. evil, panicky, identity-theft, support-revoke anxiety dreams that managed to enable me to sleep through my alarm.

was late to see my shrink. the elevator in her building is broken, so walked up five flights. she was grand for the 20 minutes i was able to talk to her.

and some asshole just told me $100 full service is the "going rate for fatties"

fuck!

the f word

Feminist.
Yep, i'm a femme. feminism supports my rights, including sexual rights, and i love feminism accordingly.
However, not everyone agrees with me. Check out this response to my "doing it for the cause" post (not blog post, craigslist erotic services post, as in, i want a client, not a lecture):
first, my original post
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/ers/43371322.html
doing it for the cause - w4m 22
some friends and i are trying to start a sex-positive feminist collective. but we need a nest egg for web design and other basic start-up costs. so, i'm trying this for the weekend.

smart curvy/chubby college student seeks some profitable fun for this weekend (that's right, this weekend only). like any good sex-positive feminist, i love sex toys and bisexuals and masturbation and porn and (trans)gender & sexual politics and safer sex advocacy and oodles of other things. make me an offer and mention your donation to our cause.

thanks for your support.

which warrants this public response (note, not sent to me, just posted on cl)
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/ers/43377598.html
hypocritical feminists? doing it for a CAUSE? - m4w - 44
Read this ad below the line: These woman are telling themselves that they are feminists, and they are raising money for their feminist cause by making themselves into sex objects, which exactly what feminism fought AGAINST. I thought Feminism was to prove that women should be judged NOT as sex objects but for their brains and abilities. What are these women going to do? Take the money they earned giving head and go use it to prove that women are equal to men and don't want to be treated as sex objects? Gimme a break.


so sweet. idiot. so here's my response.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/ers/43395281.html
hypocritical feminists?
Nope. These girlies are third wave feminists. Did you miss that "sex-positive" bit? That means we're against the anti-sex anti-pleasure anti-porn stances of dworkin and others who in their attempts to assert equality denied sexuality and pleasure.

Feminism is about self-determination. We have ownership of our bodies and can make our own choices as far as how we use them. If we choose abstinence until marriage, that choice is valid. If we choose to pursue a string of monogamous "love" relationships, that choice is valid. And if we choose to whore ourselves on the internet, that choice is valid.

Feminism is against the *involuntary* objectification of women. We are against sex trafficking, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, rape, etc.

As feminists, we support sex workers and their clients.

Some people bug me. Plus the responses have been sub-par. argh.

tricking for the cause

this weekend, i will trick for the cause. trying to line up two or three dates to cover a chunk of the initial startup of the collective (design, possible lawyer consult, etc).

it's been suggested we post an ad for one month on eros.com or the erotic review to test the market. my reservations to this line of action are really the fuel of the collective in the first place.

i do not fit the escort ideal of tall, blond, and leggy. now, this could work to my advantage, causing my little thumbnail pic to stick out. however, i'm nervous that the more likely outcome is being ignored (or worse, ragged out on a message board.)

eep. insecurity sux.

plus, if there are few chicas of my body type, limited availability, etc on the site, will the clients interested in me even be logged on?

the whole concept of review boards make me nervous. i love my body and know i provide good service. my clients seem satisfied by the number of 2nd date requests i receive, despite my "high for craigslist" rates. but i do not have a phoneline strictly for sex work. i am not available 24/7 or even 8/5. And I only trick once or twice a week. This hardly justifies shelling out the $175. It's almost like working for an agency, but an agency wouldn't hire my tattoos and stretch marks.

to reiterate: it's not low self-esteem. i do not fit the escort beauty ideal. i'm not sure a mainstream escort ad site will be cost effective.

condoms in the boardroom

so, yesterday i taught a two and a half hour HIV 101 workshop to four new employees of the ASO (aids service organization) where i volunteer. now, 2.5 hours is intense, but with four people it can be excruciating. watching the tech guy struggle with the difference between HIV and AIDS, while the other three roll their eyes and yawn. building on the energy of the case manager only to be dragged back down by the other side of the table's confused expression of apathy and horror (not used to pierced tattooed chickies in 1950's vacuum-in-pearls mom dresses playing with three different kinds of condoms and four different dental dams, i suppose). plus, when i was trying to get to the center of the parallel tables in the boardroom, i accidentally flashed the tops of my stockings and garters (gasp!)

when we got to risk behaviors, they immediately named sex. "what's sex?" oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex. "would wiping my bum be considered anal sex?" penetration by a penis. "so lesbians don't have sex?" penetration, period. "*pop* (my thumb snaps the inside of my cheek like the old lolly-pop song) oral sex?" pleasure, orgasm, etc... finally we got down to specific act by act, because it's all about the behavior, not the label (ex. abstinence and virginity mean different things to different people, not to mention the whole "is oral sex really sex?" conversation). once i got one of them to say "vagina" things began to flow more comfortable. although, when one of the male employees suggested that oral sex on a woman was "mouth to vagina" we had a quick lesson on the other v-word, vulva. we talked about risk reduction techniques for handjobs, fingering, cunnilingus, fellatio, analingus, penile-vaginal penetrative intercourse, penile-anal penetrative intercourse, vulva-to-vulva rubbing or frottaging, same with penis-to-penis, penis-between-thighs, sex toys galore (tip: cover your larger electric toys with latex gloves, ex. hitachi magic wand).

by the end of the workshop, everyone had learned at least one new thing. including me.

Tip o' the day:
Risk Reduction for BBBJs (i'm still not offering them, but its good to know)
1. do not brush teeth or floss for at least 2 hours prior
2. swish mouth with a 1:1 hydrogen peroxide-water wash
3. open a vitamin e caplet. smear the vitamin e along gums and cheeks, inside and outside teeth, until all surfaces (ideally) are coated
4. withdraw cock from mouth prior to ejaculation

who knew?

a little intro, i suppose

i work as a sexuality educator and research & write for a sexual health organization. through my academic studies, i explore larger sexual themes of identity and experience. sex work allows me to synthesize these fields.

working with a client, i always provide some basic sex ed, whether it's anatomy ("this is my g-spot", "this is your prostate") or sexual health ("you see, bareback blowjobs (BBBJs) but you (the male penetrating client) at risk for gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes & hep B, not to mention my numerous personal risks which really aren't that sexy at all").

however, exploring their individual identity formations & justifications fascinate me. i work with the homophobic client who is drawn to anal penetration who i help work through the idea of shame through dom play (not to imply that all or even most bdsm involves shame or guilt, rather domination as a tool of permission) until he is able to enjoy his body & the pleasure it offers him. i watch another client explore my clit and g-spot in an effort to improve his wife's sexual pleasure and strengthen their marriage. as a whore i offer information, permission, and affirmation.

i love being a sex worker and more specifically i love being a whore. i am not ashamed of the work i do as i believe i am improving my clients' quality of life (as well as my own) through our encounters. yes, i worry about legal issues and being outted to certain conservative friends and family members, but these sentiments are similar to those surrounding my queer identity. however, i also feel sex worker community and visibility are important to constructing the support system necessary for positive sex work experiences.

smooch.

full circle

some other time i'll give ya'll the complete journey in the creation and evolution of jane. until then, here's the quickie.

about a year and a half ago (think january or february 2003) i was sharing drinks with a good friend and all around wonderful guy in a macdougal st basement bar. somewhere around the third round, had the revelation (and shared it, as third rounds encourage you to do) that, "you know, i think i could fall in love with you." said gent responded with, "i think that's a possibility." this brief exchange resulted in a fluttered, neurotic, three or four week "relationship".

now, this is synchronous with the time i started seeing my beloved therapist because i really needed to get back on meds and needed some talk therapy to deal with the decision. so, i really wasn't in the best mind. neither was he. he was busy careening toward an eventual series of nervous breakdowns (which i associate with one of those rolling waves of traumatic orgasms, when you want them to stop but they just keep crashing over you). anyways, we took the neurotic relationship shtick beyond the cute dianne and woody to a whole new realm.

one of my major contributions was jane. i have issues with relationships and commitment. i know and acknowledge this. i found myself suddenly very trapped in a situation with someone i actually gave a shit about who was sweet and kind and a virgin (this part really freaked me out). between the realtionship and my general mental state, i needed some fast and furious fucking. but of course, i couldn't turn to the new, pure, innocent boy for that. plus, there were the implications of anticipated monogamy.

i resolved the anxiety by creating a new little alter-ego. "jane vincent" made her first post to craigslist casual encounters on february 27th, 2003. she screwed oodles of strangers for the next few weeks. even after the relationship dissolved, she found she enjoyed the anonymous sex, so kept with it. a few months later, she got the bright idea that she could get paid for this, and the whoring (and this blog) was born.

why do i bring this up, you may ask. well, i have recently been reunited with this previous relationship. we met up for drinks and chat saturday night following a random email from him. he's doing well and is much more confident. now, breakdowns can be cathartic, but something else was up. "i want to tell you something," he confided. "i made the best decision of my life." i'm all perky with the build-up. "while on a business trip in vegas, i took a ride out to the chicken ranch, and met with a lovely woman there." he saw a whore! and it was wonderful. and he's not guilty or ashamed and thinks it was great and really the best thing for him and he has such increased confidence since then and really feels a great deal of his hang-ups were linked to the whole 22 yr old virgin thing.

so, amongst my joy, i also outed myself to him. and he was super-supportive and thinks the collective idea is grand. so there you go. the many benefits of healthy, honest whoring.

alterna-whores unite

so the whoring collective idea (see previous post) is percolating, with domain names and web design budgets and drafts of manifesto mission statements and places to advertise and how it would work and welcome care packages of safer sex materials for all new members in addition to a safer sex for the sex worker workshop/online guide and code of ethics and such. we want it to be gender, queer, kink, body, age, rate, etc inclusive. a chance to network and recruit some like-minded clients (ie not the cl trolls who want full service for $50 and not the high-end johns who like their escorts leggy and blond). everyone would pay a one-time initiation fee and then a super cheap monthly tithing (cheap enough that you can choose to take a month or two off from the whoring and not have to choose between food and the collective) to contribute to webmastering, advertising, and upkeep. each member would be responsible for a shift as official phone check-in (basically, there will always be someone to call before and after going out on a trick, in case your usual check-in is indisposed or you don't have anyone to check-in with) and we'll take turns for shifts answering the general info requests from the collective email. its percolating and stewing and brewing.

by the way, my therapist is awesome. she was able to see why i was so stressed and frustrated about stuff on sat thru tuesday and so much better now. she thinks the collective is fabulous and has great marketing opportunities. she says my choices in whoring so far reflect my identity in my commitment to my own sexuality and helping others explore, learn about, and affirm their sexualities. and she was trying to figure out a way to make tricks pay ahead of time so that when i get stood up i would still get dough & she suggested fedex or ups for selling panties (what with mailing bodily fluids through the us mail being illegal, who knew?). maybe i can check out that new company that's advertising on the subways. just having her support really helps me commit myself to sex work as not just a fleeting dalliance but something i'm DOING. i'm invested and my shrink supports me!

why friends rock and cl is bad bad bad

yeah friends. a friend from sex (research, not swinger) conferences who had been west coast just relocated to my nyc neck of the woods. he's such a fabulous cutie. i hung out with him and another friend last night and it was just what the doc ordered.

lately, been batting around with several friends the ideas of an alterna-whore collective web site. for those of us who don't fit the escort (even indie escort) molds/sites but are sick of the bullshit of craigslist. a place where we could network with each other but also recruit like-minded clients. my recent posts on cl have garnered attention and responses from other women along the lines of "omigod, another real person? i've felt so alone." plus, my donation requests are out of the range of the majority of johns trolling cl.

school is closed from yesterday through the weekend. i just want to go throw some clay around. i'm working on two projects right now. the first is an assignment to create an autobiographical piece. good warm-up for the second, a series of thrown functional pots based on the teens with hiv i worked with over the summer, specifically examining the impact of hiv and hiv meds on their bodies and growth. so i'm developing skills in the arena of throwing a pot to look like a preconceived notion and using thrown forms to represent the body. sorry for the dorky clay rant.

yeah, so i managed to avoid the sca meetings for now. i'll bring up the topic with me shrink tomorrow and see what she thinks. now that i'm over the hump of the week (knock on wood) i think i can talk to her with enough levity that the uncomfortable desperation isn't there. make sense?

in other news, a boy i was in love with for a wonderful weekend my freshman year has recently reconnected. he's in boston and engaged, so its not high risk or anything, just interesting to remember that little fragment of emotional time.

less than perfect

i think maybe i'm getting depressed or destructive or something again. two big flags: i bought a scale and looked up sexual compulsive anonymous meetings. funny that "seeking help" is probably quite destructive in my case. i think i may have to channel my energies into a non-apologetic, sex-positive book on sexual compulsivity. recognizing that most of my sex --- group, partner, solo, anonymous, and paid --- is great for me, makes me happy, and doesn't interfere with my functioning. it's just when i get into these occasional moods where i feel i must have sex in order to feel real again, to get over whatever block or anxiety, or to just make progress of any sort. i have a great therapist who's super sex-positive and i adore, but i'm afraid to mention much of my sexual life to her because i don't want her to judge me (or to imply that i feel ashamed of any of this). she knows i do sex work, have group sex, go cruising, etc. she's laughs at my anecdotes and let's me set the mood for the analysis. but i have fallen into the old pattern where i want my shrink to like me and think i'm great, often resulting in me keeping the things i need to deal with most out of her office. argh... it's a day. plus i think i have a mild uti so i canceled an afternoon date (that was actually going to happen on his part, unlike half of my past scheduled tricks).