Monday, September 20, 2004

full circle

some other time i'll give ya'll the complete journey in the creation and evolution of jane. until then, here's the quickie.

about a year and a half ago (think january or february 2003) i was sharing drinks with a good friend and all around wonderful guy in a macdougal st basement bar. somewhere around the third round, had the revelation (and shared it, as third rounds encourage you to do) that, "you know, i think i could fall in love with you." said gent responded with, "i think that's a possibility." this brief exchange resulted in a fluttered, neurotic, three or four week "relationship".

now, this is synchronous with the time i started seeing my beloved therapist because i really needed to get back on meds and needed some talk therapy to deal with the decision. so, i really wasn't in the best mind. neither was he. he was busy careening toward an eventual series of nervous breakdowns (which i associate with one of those rolling waves of traumatic orgasms, when you want them to stop but they just keep crashing over you). anyways, we took the neurotic relationship shtick beyond the cute dianne and woody to a whole new realm.

one of my major contributions was jane. i have issues with relationships and commitment. i know and acknowledge this. i found myself suddenly very trapped in a situation with someone i actually gave a shit about who was sweet and kind and a virgin (this part really freaked me out). between the realtionship and my general mental state, i needed some fast and furious fucking. but of course, i couldn't turn to the new, pure, innocent boy for that. plus, there were the implications of anticipated monogamy.

i resolved the anxiety by creating a new little alter-ego. "jane vincent" made her first post to craigslist casual encounters on february 27th, 2003. she screwed oodles of strangers for the next few weeks. even after the relationship dissolved, she found she enjoyed the anonymous sex, so kept with it. a few months later, she got the bright idea that she could get paid for this, and the whoring (and this blog) was born.

why do i bring this up, you may ask. well, i have recently been reunited with this previous relationship. we met up for drinks and chat saturday night following a random email from him. he's doing well and is much more confident. now, breakdowns can be cathartic, but something else was up. "i want to tell you something," he confided. "i made the best decision of my life." i'm all perky with the build-up. "while on a business trip in vegas, i took a ride out to the chicken ranch, and met with a lovely woman there." he saw a whore! and it was wonderful. and he's not guilty or ashamed and thinks it was great and really the best thing for him and he has such increased confidence since then and really feels a great deal of his hang-ups were linked to the whole 22 yr old virgin thing.

so, amongst my joy, i also outed myself to him. and he was super-supportive and thinks the collective idea is grand. so there you go. the many benefits of healthy, honest whoring.


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