Monday, September 27, 2004

money for nothing

no great shock that the majority of the weekend's dates failed to pan out. lately, the shocker is actually meeting the john. last night was an exception.

met a new john who responded to the fundraising for the alternawhore collective post. he came down with a cold on friday and had to cancel our original saturday date. wasn't expecting to hear from him again. surprise, surprise, he called on sunday and invited me out to dinner. said he would not be able to play as he was still a little sniffly, but would gladly pay for my time.

so we met up outside his apartment and walked to a nearby "diner" (you can't really call it a diner if it has tablecloths and real napkins). we were the only two in the restaurant aside from the staff, whom we proceeded to scandalize.

he was a classic talker, looking for permission and validation. i think he also wanted to "teach" me, but i cut that one short real fast. "so, what sort of experience do you have in this field, if any?" oh, i have experience. don't worry about me. "i mean, do you have friends who do this sort of thing? cause i have had a couple of friends, and i'm sure i could help you out..." yes, yes i have friends. "oh."

but aside from that first bit, things went fine. we discussed the conflicts between his feminist beliefs and his no-so-pc turn-ons, talked about the line between fantasy & desire and reality & action. discussed the exceptions people can and can not make to their moral codes. and we talked about porn stars, and living in the city.

he really likes the idea of the collective and views it's potential existence as proof not only of other alterna-whores, but also of other "alterna-johns" (his phrasing, not mine, i don't think i like it as much).

so we hung out for about an hour and a half. and he slipped me $200 plus a $20 tip. delightful. the donation goes straight to the collective, but the $20 is all mine, baby. (oh, yeah. i'm taking a cab to the airport in the morning).

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neat! Thanks for the insight into what kind of impression I make to someone new.

I think you summed up our little date pretty well, but you were mistaken about some of the things I was thinking.

> he was a classic talker, looking for permission and
> validation.

I guess it's a good or neutral thing to be a 'classic talker?' I'll have to see if I can find a description online for that kind of john.

Anyhow, there's a reason I broach the subjects of sexuality and BDSM with any new people cautiously -- I don't enjoy being called a sicko or a pervert. So I come out of the BDSM closet cautiously, and I only reveal things when I think they'll be accepted.

The permission I sought was just the conversational permission to discuss these things. There's just not much point in seeking any other kind of permission from anyone, since I'm still going to like what I like.

> i think he also wanted to "teach" me, but i cut that one short
> real fast. "so, what sort of experience do you have in this
> field, if any?" oh, i have experience. don't worry about me. "i
> mean, do you have friends who do this sort of thing? cause i
> have had a couple of friends, and i'm sure i could help you
> out..." yes, yes i have friends. "oh."

As I recall, my intent was to gauge your actual knowledge and experience vs. your expectations so I would learn who I was dealing with. Of course I would gladly give my thoughts on the pitfalls of sexwork to anyone involved in it who was willing to listen. You made it clear that any insights weren't welcome, so I took a different conversational track.

So aside from the awkwardness that came from these misunderstandings, a good time was had by all, as far as the evening went.

Rob

9/27/2004 8:32 PM  
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