this is really happening

the movers will be here in less than four hours.

my life has been divided into car, movers, and left behind (further divided to friends, goodwill, and trash).

i had my last session with my therapist, said my goodbyes, drove by the four places i have lived in nyc (including the rubble of kate millet's former loft on bowery and houston), hung out with roommate, cleared my holds and picked up my diploma (and promptly left it at the counter of dunkin donuts).

the city is driving me out to the land of central air. sweat has not stopped pouring from my body all day. every time i pee i take a quick cold shower. the drips from my hair are salty again within five minutes. i have heat rash from the back of my knees to my ass and i can't remember where i packed the baby powder.

i threw out my old socks and underwear. i'll buy new panties on the road and i won't need socks for a few more months in houston. i have thrown out and given away most of my shoes (dacia got the best pairs) so that the few pairs remaining fit in a single suitcase.

the sun is coming up. i need to close my eyes if i want to open them in time for the movers. i'm nauseous and dizzy with adrenalin and heat.

and here i go.