Friday, December 03, 2004

hpv and me

Cervical cancer? So does that mean you have hpv?
Yes, I have a strain (one of 30 some transmitted sexually, although there are over a hundred in all) of hpv (human papilloma virus). Current research shows 99.976…% of cervical cancer is linked to two or three types of hpv. Other strains cause things like plantar and genital warts.

Does this mean you have warts?
Nope. No warts for me. That’s a different type of hpv.

So you have an sti, but you have sex all the time? Have you no ethics?
Although condoms are not effective in preventing many strains of hpv that are transmitted via external skin to skin contact, especially those that cause genital warts (often in areas a condom does not cover). However, contemporary research shows condoms to be very effective in reducing the risk of transmission of the strains of hpv linked to cervical abnormalities.

But condoms obviously didn’t work for you. You have one of the craziest safer sex regimes I’ve ever heard of (condoms for sucking cock? Come on…)
First, in defense of my safer sex regime: I use condoms to suck cock because fellatio puts the dick at risk for gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis, and puts the mouth at risk for those, plus wart-hpvs, Chlamydia, and hiv. I know this, so cock goes in my mouth and these stats pop in my head (one of the hazards of being an educated slut). Additionally, I’ve had major canker sores my whole life (thanks, dad) that could easily act as expressways for infection. No thank you.

In terms of condoms working for me, I was not always this educated. I grew up in Texas under the Bush as governor administration with abstinence only sex ed. I learned that sex equals pregnancy and if you have sex before you’re married, you will die of AIDS (and so will the baby). So despite being a horny little slut, I kept up with the “everything but” routine for almost seven years. Just after my 18th birthday (you can do the math for the age of my first blow job), I managed to end up in a motel room with a “friend” who was entering the coast guard reserves in the morning (so fucking cheesy, I know). Couldn’t buy condoms because 1) I’m the girl, duh and 2) condoms = premeditation and I had signed one of those virginity pledge thingies (both of which are horrible reasons, I know). Result, the ever-popular fallback of withdrawal and a significant chunk of time convinced I was pregnant (alright, a month) and HIV + (almost two years). And then there was that fun date rape incident my freshman year, unprotected vaginal and anal sex (my first time for that one), and that month I was going crazy on birth control fucking my gay boyfriend (another long story) raw because we’d both finally been tested. So, yes, I have my history of risk behavior. More than ample latex- and polyurethane-free moments for the hpv to lurk into my system.

Now you pay for your dirty whoring.
Although it is pretty impossible to know who one “receives” hpv (or herpes) from, I am almost positive it was from one of the above-mentioned “recreational” sexual endeavors, not a professional engagement. Furthermore, it is estimated over 80% of the sexually active population has some form of sexually transmitted hpv. They can’t all be whores (although if they were, we could start a movement).

So, does everyone with hpv die of cervical cancer?
Hardly. Most people with hpv never know they have it. Those who are lucky enough to have the types of hpv linked to cervical cancer may develop cervical dysplasias, but they usually go away on their own in under two years. As long as you catch it and monitor it, you can usually manage to avoid a death sentence.

80%!?! Fuck. How can I know if I have hpv?
Get a PAP smear. If it comes out abnormal, get a colposcopy. Although, just because your pap is cool doesn’t mean you don’t have hpv, you just don’t have an active symptomatic infection. Lucky you.

What about boys and other folks with penises (peni?)?
Anyone can get an anal pap, although it can be a challenge to find a doc to provide one. In terms of tests for penis, there isn’t really one available. If you have oodles of cash and a cooperative health care provider, you may be able to finagle a blood test, but unless it is for the specific strains of hpv you’re concerned about, it’s not much use. So you go on with your happy dicks, and let the cervixes and rectums rot away.

We’re not in a bitchy mood…
My cervix hurts so fuck off. Actually, it’s better today, but I have to wait two weeks for biopsy results (argh…). Until then, I am accepting CVs and resumes for potential sperm donors.

9 Comments:

Blogger Michael said...

Have a hug, dearie. *hugs*

12/03/2004 10:26 AM  
Blogger Librarian Babe said...

Excellent educational post!! I got herpes before I became a slutty girl so it goes to show that it's a "chicken vs. egg" type of thing. I probably got whatever hpv strain I have that's given me dysplasia back then too. So many women have had dysplasia but go on happily unaware that it means they have an std. I've told my best friend that little tidbit after her cervical cancer bout but I'm sure she still considers herself std-free. It's a strange world.

12/03/2004 8:12 PM  
Blogger Garrison Steelle said...

Okay, so what's the treatment plan looing like? Not fun, I'm sure.

-G

12/03/2004 9:56 PM  
Blogger Jane Vincent said...

proposed treatment plan mentioned by doc:
1) if everything is gone and pretty and pink and all better, then a pap every 6 months for two years, then yearly, to make sure it really is gone
2) if its still hangin around, but not much has changed, then another (the third) colpo in four months, keeping with that routine for two years, at which point treating with LEEP (loop electrocautery somethin... something..., electric wire currect slices off top layer of cervical cells)
3) its gone from mild low-grade to high-grade major baddie cells, LEEP or cone biopsy if necessary

i'd prefer to monitor it for as long as possible, have the kid, and then take care of the cervix if necessary. leeps can have some impact upon the cervical mucousal secretions making it harder for a sperm to fertilize an egg. cone biopsies can mess with the initial fertility (like the leep) but also tamper your ability to carry a pregnancy to term. regardless, i won't know about these biopsy results for another two weeks. so, let's knock on wood it just walks out of the room like it was never here in the first place.

12/03/2004 11:44 PM  
Blogger Librarian Babe said...

Just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope your test results are good ones. I should hopefully get mine late this week or early next week.

Hugs!!

12/05/2004 12:01 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Your knowledge is impressive and your experiences enlightening!

I guess I fall into the well-meaning-but-ignorant category of male. I have no particular reason to suspect that I have been exposed to anything, but I have been cavalier about protection. Never used a condom for a blow job (receiving! receiving!). Sometimes used the "pull out" technique with women who craved a more intimate (or risky?) penetration. Maybe I should shuffle off to the clinic for my own peace of mind. Amongst other things.

Re: looking for donors... Where should I mail my "donation"?

12/08/2004 10:57 PM  
Blogger Nox said...

It's a little late for you (and probably me), but you might be happy to know there is a promising cocktail vaccine in the works for the three major cancer-strains of HPV that might start going through FDA approval in the next year or two (I heard about it because apparently my university had a strong hand in the vaccine for one of the strains). Might soon be an even less problematic virus.

12/09/2004 11:18 PM  
Blogger Jason Hooten said...

Just wanted to make a comment...It's good you're so educated in sex and sexually transmitted diseases, and you put it all out there on your Blog. Kids are going to need sources like that if the Religious Right and Bushy Boy have their way with sex ed in schools. Scary stuff.

Take care, and good luck with everything.

12/10/2004 7:23 PM  
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