Tuesday, May 31, 2005

dear miss bowman

i am entirely too tired to create a new blog right now, so instead i will transcribe a letter i wrote today to my high school friend, miss bowman.

dear miss bowman,
i'm on the tail end of my second 2,000+ mile road trip this month. the first time i drove from nyc to akron to milwaukee (and back!) for my grandfather's birthday. this time i drove nyc to akron to bryson city, nc to nyc for memorial day weekend with my family. it was also supposed to be a chance for me to heal from getting my iud last wednesday (finally); however, i ended up either pushing myself too hard or passed out so i don't know how recuperative it's been. the cramps have calmed down and i'm on my period and i won't be having any babies for the next seven years.

so i'm headed back to new ork to finish up my health insurance with a trip to the therapist and physical therapy, get a fancy expensive hair cut super cheap, and graduate (congratulations to you, too, miss bowman). i'm having a party this weekend (yo, new york peeps, email me for your invite/evite). i'm excited and nervous because (hopefully) everyone i've cared about over the last five years will be there, as well as my family. it will be an interesting collision of school, work, family, and sex. i just hope everyone keeps their mouths shut as needed.

i'm at a diner in pennsylvania. if traffic was moving i'd be two hours from new york. unfortunately, it's not. after sitting in the same spot long enough i was tempted to test out my maxi pad's absorbancy as compared to adult urinary incontinence products. fortunately, i was able to inch to an exit and scoot off. i had a crab cake sandwich that smushed off the bread and my water tasted like soap so i ordered a root beer but the onion rings are good and it's giving me a chance to write.

i've been thinking of you since bowman's crossing, virginia. i've even propped my notebook against the wheel to jot down thoughts i wanted to tell you. for example, there are no "adult" stores in north carolina or virginia. i wanted to grab a cheap vibe last night (first night without family in almost a week) but there wasn't even a bookstore or novelty shop off the highway. today i finally saw one as i entered into pennsylvania (after west virginia and maryland). but some extremists had posted a billboard at the exit with a picture of a father, mother, baby, and child. the caption read: "what do you risk using pornography? everything." i fumed and cussed and drove with pride and my "i watch smut and i vote" proudly on display. bumper stickers have really gone down the tubes since we were younger. now all you see are christians or patriots (ribbons and flags make me gag). occasionally there's an initialed white oval like the old dave matthews stickers from high school. i remember when they came out thinking the "DMB" meant "i'm so dumb i forgot the u."

anyways, i've got to get back on the road to head to nyc for the party and graduation then houston on next thursday for apartment hunting then back for camping and whale watching for my birthday. busy, busy. thank god for caffeine and ginseng. i miss you, darling.

and i miss you darling readers as well. there will be generous posting this week, i promise.


Blogger Michael said...

Dear Miss Bowman:

I miss you, too. Mostly because I haven't found anyone whose buttons are so easy to push. :p

To Ms. Jane: You know my addy, so gimme one-a them evites.

5/31/2005 8:21 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

The sex toy stores in Virginia are well-disguised (after all, oral sex was illegal until just a couple of years ago) and few and far between. Stores with names like "Night Dreams" and "Midnight Video" are usually your safest bets for crappy sex toys (I've yet been able to find anything of TIB quality south of the Mason Dixon line); but in a pinch, I guess a crappy vibe is better than no vibe.

5/31/2005 9:17 AM  
Blogger Garrison Steelle said...

We've missed you, too, dear Jane. Please travel with the utmost safety. Holiday casualty counts this year are frightening.


5/31/2005 10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You drove right past me again! Wanna stop an see me next time? *pout*


5/31/2005 10:47 AM  
Blogger Librarian Babe said...

I just don't get how porn would destroy a family. Why aren't there billboards about how raping your wife destroys your family? This world is going to hell in a handbasket, and it has NOTHING to do with porn and everything to do with the religious reich.

Glad you're back in NY (for now). Hope to see you soon!

5/31/2005 8:24 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

I know at least two families where the parents watching porn has not only not harmed the family, but added to it.

5/31/2005 10:14 PM  
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10/02/2005 7:32 AM  

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