the new anal
and I had to laugh.
my earliest awareness of anal sex was in the context of catholics, Africans, and other “primitive cultures” (dude, I’m not saying they’re primitive, just the connotation of my original exposures) doing it “the back way” to avoid pregnancy and preserve virginity. this seemed and still seems absurd to me.
I love anal, but it’s not an every day of the week thing. it takes more preparation and trust and lube than vaginal or oral intercourse. although I may not be able to count the exact number of folks to whom I have granted ass-cess (hee hee), it is far fewer than overall sexual partners (probably about ten percent). I am much more comfortable shoving a plug up my ass and having a partner pounding my cunt than vice verse (meaning toy in cunt and partner in ass) or strictly partner in ass and lonely vagina play.
anal is wonderful because there are more nerves and deeper sensations. i come exceptionally strongly from butt play. it makes me happy. but it is not casual.
which is why I cocked my head when the thought of anal sex as birth control and or pre-vaginal sex play (meaning having anal sex in a hetero-relationship before having anal sex, not having anal sex then having vaginal sex immediately afterwards which has some gnarly repercussions). then I realized that this is like my mom and oral sex. when my mom came of age, oral sex is something you saved for a very special partner, often post-marriage, always post-vaginal intercourse. oral was bigger than vaginal sex. now, oral is foreplay or less-than vaginal intercourse. I was sucking cock in junior high but didn’t have penile-vaginal penetrative intercourse until a month after my high school graduation.
now that oral sex has been demystified and is no longer a taboo, anal sex has become a forbidden pleasure to strive for. it is one of the most frequent topics of questions I receive. it’s popularity is jumping. which is great, but makes me a little nervous. most likely, you will not cause pain from sucking a cock “the wrong way”. however, pain is a frequent consequence of bad anal sex.
jane’s short and sweet guide to great anal sex:
1) warm up. play with fingers, tongues, toys, etc. let your ass relax. also stimulate the rest of the body. the ass is part of the sexual response system (believe it or not) and reacts to arousal. play with clits and cocks and nipples and balls and ears and that little shallow of the collar bone. get turned on.
2) lube. lots of it. you can never have too much (on the outside of a condom, only one or two drops inside the condom, please). and you can keep adding more throughout the play. love it. yeah, lube!
3) listen to your body. start slow if it’s your first time. if it hurts, stop or at least pause. pain is not a part of anal sex (unless you like it like that). many people believe that it has to hurt. this is just plain wrong. (and as an educator, I don’t often tell people they are wrong). and don’t even think about buying some butt-number product like anal-ease or whatever. those are bad and can lead to someone getting hurt (not just a little tear hurt but ruptured rectum hurt).
4) communicate. with you partner and your self (see above). have signals or safe words or a system set up. I like the slow down, pause, stop system myself. some people use traffic lights green (go), yellow (slow down or not this), red (stop everything).
If you want to learn more about anal, check out Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women book and videos and Jack Morin’s Anal Pleasure and Health. The Bend-Over Boyfriend video series also has some fun butt facts. Other people please chime in with references in the comments. Thank you