hello, pot? this is kettle.
i have a history of compulsion. i normally read three books a week. always finish what i'm eating (small bags of snacks are very valuable in this respect). i have read the archives of five web comics over the past month (www.somethingpositive.net, www.questionablecontent.net, www.clv-comic.com, www.queenofwands.net, www.sexylosers.com). i try not to drink often, but when i do i usually have five or six drinks. and sex as a coping mechanism is several posts of it's own. but the line between using something as a coping mechanism (positive) vs compulsive tool of repression (negative) is often hard to discern, especially when you're straddling it.
lately, a friend has been very much on my mind. i have known him since i was an intern in fishnets. over the last year, he's been hit with a new phase of life (turning 40 can't be easy) and a nasty divorce. i see him coping with sex and alcohol to the point of compulsion and addiction.
at first i didn't think it was a problem. he just left a stifling marriage. he had a right to some fun. then i found myself pulling away from him as i began to temper my own drinking and sexual compulsivity. now i hear reports from mutual friends and sometimes read his blog (but his blog persona is so different than the man i knew. his blog is a play-by-play of sexual conquests with little introspection, so no insight gained there.)
over the last month i have become increasingly concerned. i hear reports that he is blacking out, having sex with two or three partners a day (discounting his frequent sex parties), neglecting his family, unintentionally hurting his partners, and ignoring his self. dacia and i joked about calling in ru paul in his short shorts. then we started researching intervention strategies and resources (everybody wants money). we've discussed small two-on-one discussions and larger group interventions. but the friend doesn't return emails, breaks dates saying he can't remember making them, and has been quoted "why have a drink with someone if you're not going to fuck?"
it seems he's grown more concerned with his public persona than himself or his friends. so maybe he'll read this and think about it. or maybe he'll see it as betrayal, using his life for blog fodder. i haven't used names or pseudonyms but he knows who he is. although i don't know if he reads my blog anymore. i would hate to think he knew about my recent health problems and didn't even drop an email or a comment (especially since Dacia and I showed up with dozens of novels during his weekend hospital stay this spring.)
i just want him to take care of himself. and get help. i think a therapist could help him process some of the emotions he's blocking with drinking and sex. or he could just write me off.